When I first began healing, it bothered me when people spoke about how things were my responsibility. I was a victim. I had things done to me against my will. It was someone else’s doing, and someone else’s responsibility to make right.
I resented the idea that I, as a victim, could have any of the responsibility thrown on me.
The problem is this: if you give away the responsibility, you also give away the power.
If I give the responsibility of my healing to my abuser, I lose all power to direct my own healing. If I cast responsibility for my mental health struggles onto my abuser, I lose all power to live a life with better mental health.
The person responsible, is the person in power.
We get caught in this place where we equate responsibility for change with who’s at ‘fault’ for the current situation. It’s the old ‘if you did it, you fix it’. Except, this isn’t a broken window. We spoke about this with blame. The person who damaged you, can’t fix you. We keep giving the keys back to the person who broke the lock. It is illogical, and it will never move you forward. We must learn how to fix the lock, and open the door ourselves.
You are not ‘responsible’ for what was done to you. But you sure as hell are responsible for where your life and future go. Realize that taking responsibility for your mental health, your PTSD, your nightmares, your future- it gives you back the power to change your life.